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Does Having More Sex Make You “Sexier?”

 

I was running one of my series of workshops on “Fearless Sexuality and Sexual Charisma” when one of the participants asked me if having more sex makes a person sexier?

 

This sexual myth has been doing the rounds quite a bit lately and I’ve not yet come across studies and research that conclusively shows that having more sex actually makes people feell sexier.

 

From my own experience, there was a time when my relationship life was so messed up that I decided I needed time-out to try and figure out why I was running away from serious relationships and commitments. I was so messed up that for 5 years I did not have any sex at all - not even solo-sex.

 

I noticed I was feeling sexier than I ever felt in my whole life. Given the sex-positive environment I was raised in, “sexier” means I was oozing it from every pore of my skin in large amounts. I did not have to say or do anything - all I had to do was walk into a room and cause chaos. Married women would grab their husbands by the arm and single guys literally begged for me to say their names out aloud. Even women were hitting on me left and right. One time I went to a friend’s house and his dog was all over me, he said he’d never seen his dog that “excited”. The dog had to put in its kennel.

 

I told my ritual mother what was happening and she told me that although I wasn’t having sex with another human being, I was "making love to the whole universe." I was in a state where I was sexy because I was flowing with what nature intended for me to be – a full sexual being.

 

Until I have full proof that "having sex" actually makes you feel sexier - well documented research with facts, not the one which asks people who’ve just had sex if they feel sexier after bonking each other silly - I believe that "knowing” that you can have sex with just about anyone you chose, when you want and how you want it actually makes you feel sexier. Knowing you have that much "power" and "control" over your sexual life makes you feel as sexy as sexy can be.

 

Though I’d rather have sex (with my guy) than eat food, I also believe that feeling sexy has nothing to do with things we do to get into the "mood of sex" or cause others to be in that mood. Being sexy is who you are whether you are engaged in a sexual activity or not. It's something that is completely unconscious, natural and effortless. And it’s not something you can switch on and off (be sexy this time and in this place, and not be sexy another time in another place).

 

As someone coming from a whole different culture I see that here in North America, there is so much struggle with sexual expression (acting sexy, looking sexy, talking sexy, walking sexy, wearing this or that to feel sexy etc) and so much self doubt and plain old feeling “dirty” and guilty. Most people are pre-occupied with “doing” rather than “just-being”. Even people who say they teach others to just “live in the moment” end up prescribing things for people to “do” in order to just live in the moment. Very few of them actually know what “just being” really means.

Having more sex in order to feel sexier is just another “doing” instead of “being.” When you are operating from your fullness as a sexual person sexy is WHO you are – AND YOU DON’T KNOW ANY OTHER WAY TO BE.

 

When you play with life or make love to the universe, you release your sexual energy and let it work for you instead of you struggling to do what sexual energy can do best - effortlessly and naturally. But much more than that, its non-stop ecstasy. You wake up every day looking forward to living it to it’s fullest! That energy is sexier than anything you'll ever say or do!

 

Christine Akiteng

Online Dating Industry---Beware!

 

As the specter of online dating emerged and conquered all none would have thought that there is even a possibility of this phenomenon fizzling out, which is naturally the case with industry insiders showing lethargy or indifference even for a short span of time. The industry and merchants seemed invincible but even the best of crop can fail if not watered properly. This is an attempt to make the industry aware of its shortcomings that have recently been recognized by a chunk of online daters and potential online daters.

 

When online dating became popular, the users were paying merely $19.99 a month, but today almost all online dating sites are charging anywhere between $49 - $59 to facilitate people’s online search for potential lovers and partners. The price hike, corresponding with the service’s popularity, has been immense and is soon going to get out of reach of the ordinary daters.

 

The most number of complaints lodged at the Better Business Bureau about online dating service is regarding the concept of automatic rebilling employed by the merchants. This has been a major cause of frustration for online daters and they are increasingly becoming disoriented towards the whole system.

 

Another factor that might prove to be the Achilles heel for the online dating industry is the misinformation that these merchants spread. The fee that you pay doesn’t give you instant access to all the millions of registered members of the site but a select few. As for the others, one needs to pay again to be able to respond to a paid member’s messages. In cases like these, there are chances of the members feeling cheated.

 

The industry is witnessing an upsurge and hence a small drop wouldn’t really bother many but a dip doesn’t take much time to turn into a plunge! Online Dating industry…Beware! Get up and smell the coffee before it gets too late.

 

Know more about online dating services here.


Adam Jaylen

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What Makes A Great Girlfriend? Know Some Traits That Make Them Closer To You!

 

Today, professional and successful men are in hot pursuit of smart, funny, independent, spontaneous, and very sexy women. Men no longer settle for such raw deals. So what makes a woman a great catch?

 

10. She’s independent. No one wants a girlfriend they have to baby-sit. In other words, a woman isn’t waiting for some man to show up, so you can get your "real life" started means that you take care of yourself, pay attention to your personal style and find time to hang with your fabulous friends and family. This means you have your own separate life other that having your whole world revolve around him.

 

9. She’s intelligent. An intelligent woman will constantly surprise men and keep you on your toes. She won’t let you get bored of her. Intelligence can also be an intimidating factor in a relationship, but on the whole, a man wants and prefers a woman with opinion and her own point of view.

 

8. She’s sexual. While we’re on the topic, a great girlfriend has to be sexually compatible with you. The two of you have to be on the same page. Of course, this doesn’t imply that she has to know all the right moves straight away; it simply means that you and she have an undeniable attraction toward each other, and are able to communicate your desires verbally (or with physical cues).

 

7. She’s beautiful. This one is kind of obvious, but important nonetheless. A great girlfriend will not only want to look good for you, but also for herself. She should always look her best and be well put together. But this doesn’t mean that only those deemed “beautiful” are the only ones licensed to have a boyfriend. Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

 

6. She respects you. This is also very important is a relationship. A woman must also respect a man. This means that she listens, even if she doesn’t necessarily agree with what men are saying. A great girlfriend won’t ever cause scenes in public or in front of your friends and family, and will always wait to discuss matters with men in private. Being respectful is also a way to show a diplomatic and tactful behaviour in most situations, which is definitely a good thing.

 

5. She lets you be a man. A good girlfriend lets a guy be a guy in all his glory, poker night and all. Men and women are different and women are liable to allow men to be themselves. Compromising with each other’s situations is essential in a lasting relationship.

 

4. She’s nagless. There is nothing worse than a nag! A great girlfriend knows this and chooses her battles wisely. She knows when to speak up and when to let it slide. Know when and where to put those motherly instincts in better use, and better situations.

 

3. She gets along with friends and family. A great girlfriend will not only help mom in the kitchen, listen to dad’s stories and hang out with friends, but she will enjoy it. She’ll make a real effort to get to know and love the most important people in your life. And she won’t try to get you to ditch your best buds. This only means that you accept him in his entirely.

 

2. She loves you. If you have found a woman who loves you for who you really are and not who you pretend or try to be sometimes, you should definitely hang on to her. A woman who doesn’t try to change you is hard to find. Of course, all women have their slightly annoying habits that their mate has to contend with, but if she really loves you, she will be able to cope with these.

 

1. She makes you want to be a better man. She doesn’t have to say or do anything; it just is that way. If you suddenly feel bad about how you treated your sister or find yourself trying to get your finances in order, you might want to think about your motivation for doing so. It could be love.

 

So, if this list seems to describe your current flame, you, my friend, are styling. In fact, you are probably the envy of all of your friends, even if they tease you for losing your status as "king player." However, if the woman you are dating is more like the polar opposite, then I don't think that getting serious with her would be in your best interest -- but you knew that already, didn't you?

 

Teri Plaxton

 

 

Anything Worth Keeping Is Worth Fighting For - Should You Fight For Or Dump Him/Her?

 

Anything Worth Keeping Is Worth Fighting For - Should You Fight For Or Dump Him/Her? By Christine Akiteng

Relationships bring out the best and worst qualities within us -but why?

 

The people we are attracted to and often have a relationship with represent all the things we like and dislike about ourselves. When they reflect to us the qualities of ourselves we like, we are happy and everything is smooth sailing, but when they reflect the qualities of ourselves that we don't particularly life, we get defensive, confrontational, unloving and sometimes we run away from the relationship. But what we're really doing is running away from ourselves.

 

So before you dump him/her you should have all the answers to these questions.

 

1. Is he/she worth it? What are the qualities that you see in him/her that add something to the relationship?

 

2. What do you see as faults/deficiencies in him/ her?

 

3. What and how do these faults/deficiencies remind you of your own issues? Dig deep and ask yourself why it bothers you?

 

4. What have you done this far to make peace with the little buggers? The emphasis here is “make peace” not “get rid of”. Attempting to get rid of the little buggers (dump him/her) is attempting to get rid of yourself.

 

5. Can you figure out a way to get your voice, needs, wants, desires etc. met while at the same time making sure that his/her needs, wants, desires etc. are being met? If you have not already done it, this is the time to begin the process to change the things about you that you don’t want in the other person.

 

By being aware that the person you are with is really your own reflection in someone else, you are not only setting a stage for understanding him/her better but for understanding yourself better as well. Until you start to value others for who they are (a reflection of yourself), and not for what they can do for you, you will keep running from one reflection of yourself to another.

 

You are the only common denominator in all of your relationships! And everywhere you go, your issues come with you!

 

Christine Akiteng

      

 

 

 

 

 

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